So I had been hoping to get a job back at the animal hospital where I used to work considering that i have not heard from any of the education jobs that i have applied for or from Boombah. So I called Ann that works there and set up a meeting to just talk about hours and price and see if it is worth it. Well I kinda worked it up in my head that no matter what i would take it cause its a job and this is the only definite job possibility that i have gotten. I am looking for a temporary job where i can work get paid and figure out what i want to go back to school for either Librarian in a School or a School Counselor. So had the meeting yesterday.

It started out all good. I would be answering phones, entering people's information in the computer, greeting people, weighing animals, helping with surgery in back, filling prescriptions. All of it sounded fun and i was excited to have the chance to do those things because when i worked there before i was stuck in back cleaning and i thought that the receptionists were high up there cause they did everything up front. So after that we started talking about hours. There are 2 other receptionists that work there. They like to have 2 people working up front as much as possible and it looks like i would mostly be working afternoon’s evenings and 2 Saturdays a month. But the last thing that we came up with that she needs to check is working 10-6 MTF 4-9 Th and then the 2 Saturdays a month 9-1. Now the hours are not definite. I know from working there before even though they say they close at 6 they can see appointments until like 7..8..9..at night depending on the severity of the animals. And that's just appointments then I would have to go over messages with the Drs and call the messages back so leaving there at like 10 or 11 on that Thursday would not be out of the question. So there would always be the possibility for overtime. Also on those MTF when i would be leaving there would be another person there so that i wouldn't have to close and stay all night I could hopefully leave at 6. So with all that said she then told me about how much receptionists start at. $9...$9.50. ICK! UGH. I was hoping for like around $12. She said that she gets paid pretty crappy and if she didn't have all the overtime she would not be able to afford her house. And she's been there for like 10 years and does everything there. We left with her checking and talking to Dr to see if paying me more was an option and if the last hours she suggested to me would work. Did i mention that the office is in New Lenox....around 35minutes away...

So after there I left and went to my parents house. Told my dad about it first he said it didn't sound too bad for a temporary job while i go back to school to have some income coming in. I told my mom, she made a face at the price. They both think that he should be able to do at least $10. Totaling up the hours of working and with that pay...I would only be pulling in about $1000 a month, only $12,000 a year. It then hit me. I will not be able to make anywhere near to what i was making as a teacher. I was SO proud, even though the job sucked and i was a stressed mess, I was so proud to say that I made about $50 thousand a year, it was pretty much the only confidence the job gave me. And now i feel crushed, almost worthless. Granted if i went back to school and got a job as a Counselor or Librarian i would be making something close to that or more, but that seems so far away. And maybe i think that i should just suck it up and be a teacher even though its so much work and I wasn't really happy, and I didn't feel I was any good because its good money. (not that i could cause there are no jobs around morris for science teachers).

Okay...so my parents were okay with it...temporary job...making money while going back to school...I get home and I talk to Andy about it crappy hours....crappy pay. He thought the $9.50 was insulting and that it wasn't worth taking with the wear on the car with all the miles they should at least pay me $11 dollars an hour before i consider it. He also said that I should talk to other people before I make my final decision. He thinks i can find a job around Morris that pays more. He suggested Sylvan Learning Center a tutoring place in town. (Which i applied for a center instructor in Morris, but they want people in math, reading, writing, algebra, ACT prep, and study skills, I don't know if i'm qualified exactly) But I think any job that I apply for they will see my education and say i'm over qualified. I think that's why the education jobs i've been applying for have not contacted me because they see my experience and education and think well she won't want to stay here long and don't go any further. Granted it would be temporary but 3-4 years temporary. (or longer if i have kids, which kids is a huge just UGH!!!! I don't even wanna think about cause, yes i want them but I need an income and then they'll need a place to stay while I work, just...:::Boom:: Head explodes, i'm wondering where they will fit into my life)

One wonderful thing that has happened is that Andy has gotten a huge freakin raise. He is making about as much as I was making as a teacher. That has eased my mind some, and helps me to breath a little easier when it comes to this whole job, money situation.

So it comes down to I'm not sure if I should take this animal hospital job, even though it is a definite job and a job that I would have to learn but I know would be fun and exciting. I'm not sure if something will come around that is better pay and closer to home.  What do you think I should do? What would you do?

Also all you unemployed people out there how are you looking for jobs? I've used craigslist, monster, chicagojobs and  I'm just not finding anything. Or are there just no jobs out there to find?

Well i'm done with school. Mixed feelings about that, happy its summer and I don't have to deal with disrespectful students anymore, but sad cause I don't have a job! On my last day i was checking the JTHS employment opportunities just to make sure that they were not hiring anymore biology teachers (cause they needed to get rid of me because of the numbers of students taking biology, and they probably picked me specifically cause they have to pay me more having a masters and all and that I had a unsatisfactory on my evaluation) Well what i found was that a position was open for a media specialist at west campus. It say high school teacher/media specialist. So this means its not an assistant job, and the qualifications were that you have your teaching certificate, which i do. Seeing this gave me hope. I really hope that i get this position. I can stay there for a bit and figure out what i want to do. I should have a shoe in cause i came from central, but we'll see...

I've been so productive and its the 3rd day i've been on break. I'm going to list some of the things i did because i feel so satisfied i got them done: fertilized the lawn, mowed the lawn (Andy kinda helped), pulled weeds and spread mulch and placed rocks in the back yard, organized office closet, (now Andy has a place to hide, i mean put his warhammer crap, i mean stuff, so that it is less in the living room) I organized the stuff i took home from school and found places for the boxes, i worked on hobbies in the craft room, washed all my sheets, quilts, blankets anything that had to do with my bed, cleaned bathrooms, washed the shower curtain in the washing machine (this really pleased me for some reason...)i think thats about it, and i have so much more to do!

So on the job front i've decided i'm going to wait and if i don't hear anything from JTHS by the end of next week I'll email boombah and be like remember me? You got any jobs laying around that you might wanna give me? Okay time to get back to organizing the spare room!

I have 66 sick days that i'm not going to be reimbursed for when i leave JT. (well i will, kinda, they will be in my Teacher's retirement fund and i'll be able to use them to help me retire, but i'm not sure if i'm even going to continue to be a teacher in the long run so i'm using em)  In all my teaching career i have never took a sick day. I took 2 personal days when i got married but that has been it in 4 years. At first the thought of taking a sick day and having to make sub plans was something i dreaded, and the thought of not being there and getting behind on grading and things like that was also something i didn't think was worth just not being there. I also thought that people that took sick days were just weak, i mean i went to work with pink eye for goodness sake!
Until now. I took today off. Tomorrow is an sip day (late start) and on those days i usually have them watch a biology related movie so i figure i won't really be getting behind and what they are doing in class today is just reviewing their vocab words, and that i really didn't NEED to be there. It is awesome. I have already got so much done this morning. Unfortunately i did not get a very good night sleep (woke up pretty much every hour cause i was scared i wouldn't call before 6am) and because i was nervous about calling in at 5:30 in the morning and having to say i was taking a sick day. But i'm sure it will get easier. I mean i have 65 of them....there or only 40 some days left of school. I figure if i really don't need to be there to teach that day and i won't get too behind...great time to take off! I'll probably only use like 10 or so that's still 50 left for retirement if i do stay in the teaching field. I'm so glad i got over the martyr, lawful good, feeling that was holding me back from taking sick days. They are awesome!  Okay back to cleaning/organizing the house!

I'm just gonna spit these things out at random.

Last week Friday i put in my letter of resignation. My evaluator/supervisor type person was like, are you sure? Are you sure about this? Do you have another job lined up? Which no i don't, but i wanna quit the gym. (reference from Friends)

I have a meeting with the Principal at 7 in the morning tomorrow, its to discuss next school year. When i got the email about it i figured that this was the sorry we don't want you to work here anymore meeting so that's why i put in the letter. I'm dreading it, i don't want to go especially so early in the morning. I hope i don't get upset during the meeting. bah, i hope its' quick and easy. dread dread dread...

Today was the spirit assembly. I participated in the staff cheer and even did a cart wheel at the end. I got a free shirt out of it. I'll find out tomorrow what my students thought about the assembly. The few i saw in the hall after the assembly said nice flip.  The stupid students booed us though. jackasses.

I have an interview at Seneca Jr High during my spring break. I hope i feel happy about teaching by then and not bitter like i am now.

I finished the application for the library assistant job a week ago in Shorewood but haven't heard anything about it yet. =( I think that would be the right thing, i could go back to school get my counselor degree have some kids then go and be a school counselor. But i'm not sure what's in store with me. Still waiting.

My Nana was supposed to start chemo this week but she got sick and had a high temperature and was not able to start. My mom said she doesn't think she'll make it to chemo, she's so pessimistic. I think it comes from working at the hospital so long and seeing people hurt and dying from disease. She is kinda weak but her fever is going down.

It's awkward at school when teachers are like oh what room will you end up in next year? And i have to pretend that i'm going to be there. I don't really want to tell a lot of people yet, not till i have a plan.

I can't wait for spring break. It's the last week in March.

I was reminiscing the other day, I miss the weekends during college where Andy and I would hang out with his friends Friday night and then hang out with my friends Saturday night . I miss how it was a given that that's what we'd be doing. Even when nothing was specifically planned we would have fun hanging out and doing nothing. Stupid getting jobs and becoming an adult.

This song is in my head i think the lyrics are appropriate...

I'd like to wait, to see how things turn out,
If you apply some pressure,
I'd like to wait, to see how things turn out,
If you apply some pressure,

What happens when you lose every-thing,
you just start again,
you start all over again,
What happens when you lose every-thing,
you just start again,
you start all over again,

While looking for jobs on the internet last night i stumbled over one of my perfect dream jobs. There an opening for a Library assistant at Troy middle school in Shorewood. I read the description and it sounded awesome...

Compensation:   In accordance with the negotiated labor agreement. 

Qualifications: 
    
·        High School Diploma
·        30 hours of college credits
·        Such alternatives to the above qualifications as the Board may find appropriate and acceptable.
Performance Responsibilities: (Essential Duties) 
 
·        Prepare individual library schedule.
·        Order and receive books selected for purchase by the librarian.
·        Prepare and conduct library classes.
·        Write notices to homeroom teachers and students concerning overdue books, and collects fines for such books.
·        Make simple repairs on damaged books and sends more severely damaged books for repair to the LRC Director.
·        Monitor attendance in the library and keeps attendance records.
·        Ready books for reserve on teacher’s requests, and maintains the reserve shelf.
·        Prepare current magazines for shelving and maintains the back number stacks.
·        Responsible for the annual inventory of library materials and the preparation of lists of missing books and books to be
         discarded.  This information is sent to the LRC Director.
·        Shelve incoming books.
·        Oversee the general neatness and attractiveness of the library and its’ displays.
·        Maintains current inventory of supplies and suggests items for acquisition as needed.
·        Help students and teachers locate books, periodicals, reference materials and other instructional materials.
·        Read to all classes (in elementary buildings)
·        Responsible for maintaining proper student discipline in the LRC.
·        Inventory and maintain AV equipment and distributes equipment to the staff.
·        Locate materials using the on-line computer catalog.
·        Check books in/out on the computer.
·        Attend all LRC staff meetings.
·        Refer requests for Inter-library loan requests to the district LRC Director and responsibility for distribution of books to the     teacher and the return of the books to the LRC Director.
·        Perform such other tasks as the LRC Director may, from time to time, assign.
I can do all those things, and would enjoy doing them. Granted the pay would be lots less but still, it would be like a breath of fresh air, and i could have time to go back to school and get my degree in counseling or library science if i so choose. It just sounds so awesome. Only thing is they want some one now. I was thinking if they really wanted me how it would be if i left my job now...probably not smart. But if they really wanted me would they wait till next year? Who knows they would probably think i'm over qualified or something. Both Andy and my Mom said to fill out the application so i am in the process of doing that. Takes forever, but at least i'll be in the system for Science teacher there too. Ugh i just want it so much!

My mom was telling me today that she saw my old principal from Jr High at work and she told him my situation how i'm not happy where i'm working and that i was thinking of quitting there and looking for another teacher job probably at a Jr high. He suggested if i have a job stay there because apparently there are more teachers out there than there are jobs. So now i have this bad feeling that i may have to stay there another year  or so cause i may not be able to find another job. I was evaluated by the other lady last week Friday. She said that she was going to come in again and see me on Monday or Tuesday but she never did, i'm wondering if she changed her mind and what she saw was enough. She did tell me when she left that she liked the activity i was doing on Friday. Who knows. I'll find out on Tuesday if she thinks i'll be asked back next year. ugh. Before i had this hopeful feeling that i didn't have to stay there i could find something else and have a chance at finding something that might make me happy, but now i don't know what will happen.

I broke up a fight yesterday in my class. (i'm really proud about this) It was at the end of class they had gotten new seats (apparently certain students should not sit by each other..now i know) I was was walking around the classroom and i turn around and see one kid punching on another kid I yelled the kid doing the punching's name and pull him off the other kid. I then stand in between them. Then the punching kid looks at me and asks me if he can sit down. (what?!)The other kid that got punch is proceeding to bleed everywhere. I go and call security to come and get the fighting students. I was shaking but very happy that i controlled the situation.

The principal observed me today. He saw my one and only favorite class so that was good. I think it went well. Who knows what he was thinking though.

I keep forgetting things this week. On Tuesday i forgot the dvd i wanted to show in class at home in my laptop, i had to run around like crazy finding and burning another copy and getting it all done with 15min to spare before class started. Today i left my purse at home. 

I"ve been so busy and tired that i have not shaved my legs since January 19th. In order for me to shave my legs i like to take a bathe and that has been too much effort for me lately. I hope i find time soon.

Nana is home from the hospital. Still do not know what is in her lung. They did 2 biopsy on her and they both came back inconclusive. She is having a 4 hour total body scan on my b-day Saturday. It's strange my mom and Nana never really had a good relationship because Nana verbally abused my mom (called her names and told her she was worthless and such) My mom always hoped for her to be nice and treat her like she did everyone else and i guess she got her wish cause ever since she's been in the hospital she has been really nice and no guilt trips and mean behavior. My mom has said why now, why not earlier, i just hope she stays nice like this for mom's sake.

Earlier in the month i was depressed about getting older. I thought at this age i would have kids and i'm worried about getting too old to have kids. I'm starting to feel the need that i just may want one of those. (one preferably like Megan my youngest niece) Now with my career and crap the way it is, i'm not sure when it will happen.

I want a haircut but don't know when i will have time for one.

I want to do something for my b-day on Saturday but my house is a mess and i won't have time to clean it the way i would want it to look for more then a few people to come over. I wonder if that makes any sense?

Ten minutes before i turn into a pumpkin. I should go shower so i can collapse into bed, so freakin tired.

I've been contemplating life recently because i've been so unhappy and stressed with my job and i've come to some conclusions. If i were to grade myself on how good a teacher i am i would give myself a C. I'm about average, i don't really go out of my way to do wonderful things in the classroom, but i don't think i suck either. If i were to grade myself when i was a vet assistant i would have given myself an A maybe even an A+. I was freakin awesome at the job i did everything cleaning, restocking, assisting with surgeries, caring for animals, and i did a good job at it and i enjoyed doing (well most of it, poop smells bad, and bites hurt) it.

I realized why i got into teaching, which for the longest time i couldn't even remember why i did, i could just remember thinking it was something i could do. My senior year in high school i took Anatomy and Physiology and loved it. It was then that i decided i wanted to be an A and P teacher, and yeah sure have some biology classes on the side, whatever...focus on the A n P. But then when i got into the education classes and teaching classes and realized that the most common job out there that i'm endorsed in is Biology, i kinda forgot why i got into it in the first place. Another thing that makes me a C teacher is that i'm not passionate about Biology. It's hard for me to get excited about my subject matter, which is terrible. A teacher needs to freakin love her subject matter and exude that all over the students.(which sounds messy) If i was talking about sternocleidomastoids, and phalanges i think that would be a different story, but i'm not. So when people say oh it's just your school i've realized that in that respect it's not just my school, cause i don't think i would be as passionate about my subject matter at another school either.

I am not the teacher i thought i would be, and i don't think it's fair to my students. I should want to know more about my content area and keep informed on the information that i'm teaching, but i don't and i get annoyed when they ask a lot of questions cause i don't really know the answers to them. Granted a lot of the questions they ask are off the wall questions that no one would really know (Andy probably would though...::shakes fist::) like why does an air bag burn your skin, i can make stuff up and postulate but i don't freakin know.

Anyway i had my pre-conference today with one of the people that is going to observe me. It's my fourth year, the year they decide if they are going to keep me or not. She kept saying not to put pressure on you but it's your fourth year. You shouldn't really have discipline problems and that she want's to see me hit one out of the park cause she really hasn't ever seen that from me. So she's really expecting a lot from me and i don't know if she's gonna like what she see's and i'm scared. Granted i don't really like my job all that much but a job i dislike is better than no job at all. She was asking me all these questions and i was trying to make myself sound really good, yes i've been more excited in my lessons and yes i'm more confident in the classroom and yes i pertain the class to real world situations. Yes i have a good repore with my students and am able to make relationships with them (that part was never hard) I hope i can deliver when the time comes and put on a spectacular show and make it to next year so i can work there while i figure out what else i want to do.

Last weekend at the Halloween party, i don't know who she was (she was the one that came with the one dressed like Carrie) but we were talking and she was saying how she used to be a chemistry teacher and didn't care for all the outside work and took some classes and became a librarian at a school. She said it's really easy and went on about her job. That got me thinking. I've never been good at the constant talking and discipline with being a teacher. I honestly don't really like to talk a lot. I've never felt that i knew enough information to be a teacher. I don't really like being confined to having to do something for certain hours of the day. I love books, I love helping students that want help. I think this might be better for me than being a teacher. If you guys have any opinions about this yea or nah please, please, give some advice.

Today I found out that they just added some more science classes to the curriculum, one of them being medical terminology. I am really interested in this class but i doubt there would be 5 classes of it to teach, so that means i'd probably have to teach something else with it, and i can barley teach one subject alone and have a life as it is there's no way i could do more. That might be interesting though, but then i think i might fall into the same problems as above with not knowing enough, but at least i may be more passionate about it then about just biology. Dunno...feed back would be appreciated. Thanks for reading my ramble. =)

Something i just thought of, when i was helping my mom's friend in a biology class from juco, i got the feeling that kept me going in teaching this rush of i know something and i can help you i want to do something that gives me that feeling. Okay i'm done now.

Things i keep thinking today. This school year will be great, or i will force it to...with violence!

Seattle was awesome, i held a starfish, pictures are on facebook. Spite for those that don't have face book..::cough::(BRIAN)

House plans still going good, got the loan, did the home inspection, crossing fingers that rates go to 6 so we can lock them in low...Seriously ::crossing fingers:: Saying multiply prayers cause that's the difference between 2 hundred more dollars a month for mortgage. Bleck. Starting to pack.

Teacher's institute starts tomorrow (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) The summer was a little too awesome, i do not want to go back quite yet, but i guess i don't ever really want to. The money will be nice. 

Must go and enjoy my last day of freedom. LAST DAY! ::sob::

I'm so happy, i get to donate my hair. I've always wanted to and i thought i couldn't cause i dye my hair but i can because i do not bleach my hair. I just hope it's long enough. It needs to be 10inches. Even if it's not really long enough i'm thinking of getting it chopped off anyway and deal with the super short hair cause i can't stand the long hair much longer.

I had a meeting with the Principal on Monday. He congratulated me that i have a job next year but the bad news is that if i do not improve my classroom management then i will not have a job the next year. And that is a big year. That is the year where i can be ten yeared. He said if there is any doubt then they will not hire me back. He said i not only need to work on my classroom management but i need to work on my failure rates. He said they are putting all this money into new science labs and not seeing any success from it. I liked the guy before this meeting now i think he's an ass. He understand the students i have don't do their homework and dont' bring their supplies to class, but yet i'm somehow supposed to get them to pass. He also said those students that do not have students failing do not have behavior problems. So basically all he is concerned about is me passing students. This was a lovely start to the week, i kept it together in the meeting and went in the bathroom and cried. ugh, i wish i could stand up for myself more.

I'm not sure if i can improve my classroom management enough so that they will keep me on. Having different students would help. Not having the ones that are all in literacy and math support. Darren the only biology teacher i work with keeps telling me that i need to channel my inner bitch. Yeah, i don't know if i can do that. It would help not having a tiny room and different tables. I'm going to try and ask for different tables cause i will probably be stuck down there next year.

Well whatever i have a job for now.