Yesterday was my 10 year high school reunion. I didn't go. Between not having a job and the cost of the reunion being $100 per person but was then reduced to $60. I didn't feel like it was worth the money nor did i have much to talk to people about. Besides looking at who would be there not many people I would actually want to talk to would be there. So i didn't go. Looking back to high school when i would picture going to my high school reunion it was kinda like the movie Romy and Michelle. I would come in looking impressive with a wonderful husband, very successful, just wow everyone there. It was a huge graduating class like 900 students, and I didn't talk much in high school. So i didn't have that many friends. And those friends that i had in high school I don't really talk to now. I dunno I just feel kinda blah about the situation and wish it was different.

If i'm not making much sense it's cause i'm tired and my head hurts and it's hard to make a string of words make sense like i want them to.

Speaking of head aches. I do not have health insurance. I have not had health insurance since August. This scares me, a lot, so i try not to think about it. It's not like i haven't tried to get health insurance either. I filled out the paper work with blue cross blue shield of il and they rejected me. I sent them an appeal with a dr's note from my chiropractor and they rejected me again because I was attending a chiropractor for mantainence for my whiplash that happened when i was like 10. I haven't gone to the chiropractor since for 2 months now. I've been doing pretty good and haven't been getting many head aches. With this job that I just got at Boombah after 4 months I will be able to get health insurance I'll have to pay which is fine but at least they can't deny me.Then after a year it is free.  Andy is going to try and get me on his plan until I can get my own. Ugh just so annoying.

So I work at Boombah starting tomorrow. I'm nervous cause it's new and I don't know what to expect. I know that it won't be as stressful as my last job and that I won't have to take work home, which will be nice. At least i know most of the people that work there already. =)

Ugh tired. 

Here is the usual after interview me trying to remember everything that was said for later reference...

So I walk in he looks over my resume with me asked if i was currently working and says so you were a biology teacher, what school did you go to ...st. francis... Says this is a little different from teaching why would you want a job here besides getting paid. (mutual smile and laugh) 
I said I would like a job with less stress than teaching.
He asked me if i knew what Boombah was about. I said you sell softball uniforms.
He asked if i knew anyone that worked there. I said my husband, Oh who's your husband...er Andy Clark. Oh Andy...I thought you looked familiar, (i could see him turning a little red, i can't believe he didn't know that I was Andy's wife. and later he asked if we were married.....hmmm,) he asked if i had met him at bowling....could have don't remember.  
So then he explained what I would be doing there. I would be entering inventory, they need someone reliable to enter the inventory coming in and I mentioned to him that, that is similar to entering grades and that was actually the part of teaching that I enjoyed. He asked if it was the kids i didn't like, i told him it was the classroom management, he asked what grade I taught, Freshman, he understood how that would be difficult.
He also said i may be moved around doing different tasks when it is slow which is fine with me. He didn't want someone that would then complain "this isn't what i was hired for and etc".
He also said that there are a lot of people that work there that have family members working there also and if you have a problem with something, I am to go to him. He is my boss. I am not to go to my significate other in a different department and complain to them and then they complain to a different department and then he is the last to hear about it. He said he talked a lot about that because it has happened frequently.
But besides that they are a very teamwork oriented business and he wants someone that would say what ever is best for the company and not complain. He said they want to get as big as Nike or Underarmer. He also asked if i would want to go back to teaching I said not for a while. 
I asked him about benefits. After 4 months they will pay half and then after a year they pay all. He said he liked the data entry on my resume.
He asked my age, which i was a little taken back about but told him. He said so your wild years are over (wild years? I don't think i had wild years) and you're like me settling down and focusing on your goals. That's when he asked if i was married and saw my ring and said he should have known, I told him that Andy doesn't wear his ring so that might be why he didn't know he was married. He said that he wasn't a ring guy either.
He said that he knows people in interviews don't like to ask about price. But he said that the price will not stay the same. Depending on the season, and how good a job I do it can change. He told me it was $10. Is that what i was expecting. I said yes i knew that was how much but that the other jobs that i've been looking at have been $9, $10 and they were farther away, not in Morris, and then he was like oh you live in Morris, oh i see here...(looks at resume, see's street name) So this job would be close to home for you.
He said that he was interested in me and that he will interview a few more to get a sample size and he will let me know in a week or so.

So there it is. I can't believe that he did not know that I was Andy's wife...similar last names? I'm not sure how he still has my resume if i sent it in May and he put an ad in the paper recently and had a small pile of them. He also mentioned that some of the resumes he was looking at were people saying that had like 25 years warehouse experience and that they are going to be expecting a certain wage, that they are not going to be able to give them, he said he doesn't put the wage on the ads in the newspaper because of that. 
Also when i mentioned that Andy was my husband he said well you won't be working with him, which is good, and that his wife works in another department in Boombah.  And that it didn't mean we couldn't go out to lunch or drive in together.
When i was leaving he said that maybe he should do more research on the people he's interviewing. I think he was a little embarrassed about not remembering I was Andy's wife.

I guess Andy saw me leaving Tony's office, i felt like a bobble head in there, just nodding to everything he said, which there was nothing else i could do. And there were windows so i felt like people were watching me.  I'm sure I did fine. I hope I get a call soon! I should have asked about dress attire but i think i can get that info from Tim....oh and what are the hours.

So Andy's Dad called me like an hour ago and he said now this is your Mother and Father in law...so i knew from that it was some type of advice or something...he was saying that he was talking to  Barbara Rath a lady he went to high school with and that is a teacher at Morris said that they have no science openings there but that they always need subs, and that there are a few counselors that have already said that in 3 or 4 years they are going to be retiring....So what they suggested me doing is subbing there having them get to know me, go back to school and then apply for the counselor jobs when they come avaliable or library jobs or whatever I want....but they will have had the time to be familiar with me.

Oh my gosh a plan! Okay so even though I don't really care for subbing (The uncertainty of am I going to have to work tomorrow...getting that call....What am i going to have to teach?....Am i going to understand the sub plans? What if kids misbehave? What do I do? What do I do if this or that happens?....So much uncertainty) I think with having the plan in mind it will help. And it will be in Morris, which is not that far away and much much much different from Joliet i'm sure (at least i hope so) . Oh i just feel so much better. It makes sense this is something I can do and it can work.

::SIGH:::    :::BARF:::

Now if the principal will just call me back so i can figure out what i can do to be all registered to be a sub there. That would be great!!

So I had been hoping to get a job back at the animal hospital where I used to work considering that i have not heard from any of the education jobs that i have applied for or from Boombah. So I called Ann that works there and set up a meeting to just talk about hours and price and see if it is worth it. Well I kinda worked it up in my head that no matter what i would take it cause its a job and this is the only definite job possibility that i have gotten. I am looking for a temporary job where i can work get paid and figure out what i want to go back to school for either Librarian in a School or a School Counselor. So had the meeting yesterday.

It started out all good. I would be answering phones, entering people's information in the computer, greeting people, weighing animals, helping with surgery in back, filling prescriptions. All of it sounded fun and i was excited to have the chance to do those things because when i worked there before i was stuck in back cleaning and i thought that the receptionists were high up there cause they did everything up front. So after that we started talking about hours. There are 2 other receptionists that work there. They like to have 2 people working up front as much as possible and it looks like i would mostly be working afternoon’s evenings and 2 Saturdays a month. But the last thing that we came up with that she needs to check is working 10-6 MTF 4-9 Th and then the 2 Saturdays a month 9-1. Now the hours are not definite. I know from working there before even though they say they close at 6 they can see appointments until like 7..8..9..at night depending on the severity of the animals. And that's just appointments then I would have to go over messages with the Drs and call the messages back so leaving there at like 10 or 11 on that Thursday would not be out of the question. So there would always be the possibility for overtime. Also on those MTF when i would be leaving there would be another person there so that i wouldn't have to close and stay all night I could hopefully leave at 6. So with all that said she then told me about how much receptionists start at. $9...$9.50. ICK! UGH. I was hoping for like around $12. She said that she gets paid pretty crappy and if she didn't have all the overtime she would not be able to afford her house. And she's been there for like 10 years and does everything there. We left with her checking and talking to Dr to see if paying me more was an option and if the last hours she suggested to me would work. Did i mention that the office is in New Lenox....around 35minutes away...

So after there I left and went to my parents house. Told my dad about it first he said it didn't sound too bad for a temporary job while i go back to school to have some income coming in. I told my mom, she made a face at the price. They both think that he should be able to do at least $10. Totaling up the hours of working and with that pay...I would only be pulling in about $1000 a month, only $12,000 a year. It then hit me. I will not be able to make anywhere near to what i was making as a teacher. I was SO proud, even though the job sucked and i was a stressed mess, I was so proud to say that I made about $50 thousand a year, it was pretty much the only confidence the job gave me. And now i feel crushed, almost worthless. Granted if i went back to school and got a job as a Counselor or Librarian i would be making something close to that or more, but that seems so far away. And maybe i think that i should just suck it up and be a teacher even though its so much work and I wasn't really happy, and I didn't feel I was any good because its good money. (not that i could cause there are no jobs around morris for science teachers).

Okay...so my parents were okay with it...temporary job...making money while going back to school...I get home and I talk to Andy about it crappy hours....crappy pay. He thought the $9.50 was insulting and that it wasn't worth taking with the wear on the car with all the miles they should at least pay me $11 dollars an hour before i consider it. He also said that I should talk to other people before I make my final decision. He thinks i can find a job around Morris that pays more. He suggested Sylvan Learning Center a tutoring place in town. (Which i applied for a center instructor in Morris, but they want people in math, reading, writing, algebra, ACT prep, and study skills, I don't know if i'm qualified exactly) But I think any job that I apply for they will see my education and say i'm over qualified. I think that's why the education jobs i've been applying for have not contacted me because they see my experience and education and think well she won't want to stay here long and don't go any further. Granted it would be temporary but 3-4 years temporary. (or longer if i have kids, which kids is a huge just UGH!!!! I don't even wanna think about cause, yes i want them but I need an income and then they'll need a place to stay while I work, just...:::Boom:: Head explodes, i'm wondering where they will fit into my life)

One wonderful thing that has happened is that Andy has gotten a huge freakin raise. He is making about as much as I was making as a teacher. That has eased my mind some, and helps me to breath a little easier when it comes to this whole job, money situation.

So it comes down to I'm not sure if I should take this animal hospital job, even though it is a definite job and a job that I would have to learn but I know would be fun and exciting. I'm not sure if something will come around that is better pay and closer to home.  What do you think I should do? What would you do?

Also all you unemployed people out there how are you looking for jobs? I've used craigslist, monster, chicagojobs and  I'm just not finding anything. Or are there just no jobs out there to find?

So with all this cleaning i've been doing i unearthed the property taxes. The last time i looked at it was a quick glance to see the due date which i thought was sometime in September. I thought wow that's along ways away...and didn't think anything of it until yesterday when i was cleaning the office/library and looked at it in more detail and saw the first installment was due the beginning of June and the second is due in September. So i'm freaking out about this, if i'm going to pay it all at once when is it due? I kinda figured September but i wasn't sure and was kicking myself for not taking care of it earlier. So yesterday i was all i'm going to take care of that tomorrow! Fast forward to "tomorrow" about 4:25 in the afternoon i go into the office/library to organize my cds and i find the taxes sitting there. I run out of the house and to the bank where it said i could pay them. I get there she says that they are late and i would have to go to the court house to get them taken care of. I ask her when they close....and of course its 4:30. So i rush down town and get there about 5 minutes after they close. Not that it really mattered anyway because if its late it's late there's nothing i could do about it. I just wanted to get it taken care of so i would stop freaking out about it when i thought about it which apparently is not that often considering today. UGH.

So I emailed the secretary at West and asked her if she got my information about the media specialist job. She said yes but that they do not have my media specialist endorsement on file. I told her that the job posting only said teaching certificate so that's why I applied. So blah. I have no idea what's going to happen there.

Boombah has not contacted me at all. I emailed my resume about a month ago and i emailed the warehouse manager that I was no longer in school and gave him my personal email instead of my work email. Not that i necessary want to start working tomorrow i just want the sigh of relief that i have a job come August or whenever. Its kinda hard to enjoy my summer when all my brain does is think job, job, need a job, need a job....I have been able to get a lot of work done around the house but i look around and still feel overwhelmed by all the stuff i want to get done. Get rid of pond, New garage, New driveway, New fence, get rid of the ground ivy somehow, new front porch stairs, maybe new gutters, and that's just outside, not to mention the inside patch small holes in the walls and miscellaneous other things around here. So overwhelmed. Right now mostly i've been digging out and rearranging what i have. Trying to find places for pictures and I guess overall its called "nesting" I know i should be enjoying it and i kinda do but still my brain keeps chanting about the job. I'm like in this constant state of agitation on the inside. Very unsettling.

So I did some looking today I found a Career Center Aide position at Minooka High school and a Guidance secretary at Yorkville Middle School. Which i think would be different enough to get me thinking what i like and don't like so i can focus on what i want to do. So i'm going to apply for those positions, but i wonder what they see when they look at my resume. I just feel ignored when i fill out their applications online, i guess i should take the next step and call and follow up but ugh, i hate selling myself and that's what it feels like i'm doing. That whole situation the interview and looking for a job and everything that goes along with it, i hate it. barf.  Granted i was not happy at my last job, but the reason i stayed there so long was because i was avoiding this whole looking for a job situation and i was comfortable, comfortably miserable. I am glad i don't have to think about going back there cause I don't know what i'd do. 

Okay i think i'm feeling better now. Thank you for reading/listening. =)

Well i'm done with school. Mixed feelings about that, happy its summer and I don't have to deal with disrespectful students anymore, but sad cause I don't have a job! On my last day i was checking the JTHS employment opportunities just to make sure that they were not hiring anymore biology teachers (cause they needed to get rid of me because of the numbers of students taking biology, and they probably picked me specifically cause they have to pay me more having a masters and all and that I had a unsatisfactory on my evaluation) Well what i found was that a position was open for a media specialist at west campus. It say high school teacher/media specialist. So this means its not an assistant job, and the qualifications were that you have your teaching certificate, which i do. Seeing this gave me hope. I really hope that i get this position. I can stay there for a bit and figure out what i want to do. I should have a shoe in cause i came from central, but we'll see...

I've been so productive and its the 3rd day i've been on break. I'm going to list some of the things i did because i feel so satisfied i got them done: fertilized the lawn, mowed the lawn (Andy kinda helped), pulled weeds and spread mulch and placed rocks in the back yard, organized office closet, (now Andy has a place to hide, i mean put his warhammer crap, i mean stuff, so that it is less in the living room) I organized the stuff i took home from school and found places for the boxes, i worked on hobbies in the craft room, washed all my sheets, quilts, blankets anything that had to do with my bed, cleaned bathrooms, washed the shower curtain in the washing machine (this really pleased me for some reason...)i think thats about it, and i have so much more to do!

So on the job front i've decided i'm going to wait and if i don't hear anything from JTHS by the end of next week I'll email boombah and be like remember me? You got any jobs laying around that you might wanna give me? Okay time to get back to organizing the spare room!

While looking for jobs on the internet last night i stumbled over one of my perfect dream jobs. There an opening for a Library assistant at Troy middle school in Shorewood. I read the description and it sounded awesome...

Compensation:   In accordance with the negotiated labor agreement. 

Qualifications: 
    
·        High School Diploma
·        30 hours of college credits
·        Such alternatives to the above qualifications as the Board may find appropriate and acceptable.
Performance Responsibilities: (Essential Duties) 
 
·        Prepare individual library schedule.
·        Order and receive books selected for purchase by the librarian.
·        Prepare and conduct library classes.
·        Write notices to homeroom teachers and students concerning overdue books, and collects fines for such books.
·        Make simple repairs on damaged books and sends more severely damaged books for repair to the LRC Director.
·        Monitor attendance in the library and keeps attendance records.
·        Ready books for reserve on teacher’s requests, and maintains the reserve shelf.
·        Prepare current magazines for shelving and maintains the back number stacks.
·        Responsible for the annual inventory of library materials and the preparation of lists of missing books and books to be
         discarded.  This information is sent to the LRC Director.
·        Shelve incoming books.
·        Oversee the general neatness and attractiveness of the library and its’ displays.
·        Maintains current inventory of supplies and suggests items for acquisition as needed.
·        Help students and teachers locate books, periodicals, reference materials and other instructional materials.
·        Read to all classes (in elementary buildings)
·        Responsible for maintaining proper student discipline in the LRC.
·        Inventory and maintain AV equipment and distributes equipment to the staff.
·        Locate materials using the on-line computer catalog.
·        Check books in/out on the computer.
·        Attend all LRC staff meetings.
·        Refer requests for Inter-library loan requests to the district LRC Director and responsibility for distribution of books to the     teacher and the return of the books to the LRC Director.
·        Perform such other tasks as the LRC Director may, from time to time, assign.
I can do all those things, and would enjoy doing them. Granted the pay would be lots less but still, it would be like a breath of fresh air, and i could have time to go back to school and get my degree in counseling or library science if i so choose. It just sounds so awesome. Only thing is they want some one now. I was thinking if they really wanted me how it would be if i left my job now...probably not smart. But if they really wanted me would they wait till next year? Who knows they would probably think i'm over qualified or something. Both Andy and my Mom said to fill out the application so i am in the process of doing that. Takes forever, but at least i'll be in the system for Science teacher there too. Ugh i just want it so much!

"oh my God, wait and see, what will soon become of me? This frozen heart and screaming wheels, does that screaming come from me? I"m dizzy from all this spinning."

I'm scared of the unknown. I requested information from Olivet Nazarene university about library information specialist. I feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff looking off at the rocks below and i'm not sure what to do. Do i jump and end up soaring or will i just crash in the rocks. There's problems like the money for the classes. I really don't want to have to put off on a garage for school. There's not knowing if i'll be able to find a job once i'm done with the program. There's what if after i do find a job i then don't like it like i dont' like this one.
Ugh, where's my rock i can hide under. Also part of the information that i got from Olivet was that a cohort is starting in February at martino Junior high in New Lenox for the degree that i want. When i got the email about that i thought, well i have to do it, it's right in new lenox, for one evening a week, and in less then 2 years i'll have my degree...and then my brain started work over time, over analyzing like it does...and then i become depressed and uncertain.


"I could not see for the fog in my eyes, I could not feel for the fear in my life"  "i'm not a stranger in the hands of the Maker."