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Sakurahime's Journal

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BARF. Just letting it all out. [Jun. 18th, 2009|04:48 pm]
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[Current Mood | restless]
[Current Music |Jars of Clay, Truce]

So with all this cleaning i've been doing i unearthed the property taxes. The last time i looked at it was a quick glance to see the due date which i thought was sometime in September. I thought wow that's along ways away...and didn't think anything of it until yesterday when i was cleaning the office/library and looked at it in more detail and saw the first installment was due the beginning of June and the second is due in September. So i'm freaking out about this, if i'm going to pay it all at once when is it due? I kinda figured September but i wasn't sure and was kicking myself for not taking care of it earlier. So yesterday i was all i'm going to take care of that tomorrow! Fast forward to "tomorrow" about 4:25 in the afternoon i go into the office/library to organize my cds and i find the taxes sitting there. I run out of the house and to the bank where it said i could pay them. I get there she says that they are late and i would have to go to the court house to get them taken care of. I ask her when they close....and of course its 4:30. So i rush down town and get there about 5 minutes after they close. Not that it really mattered anyway because if its late it's late there's nothing i could do about it. I just wanted to get it taken care of so i would stop freaking out about it when i thought about it which apparently is not that often considering today. UGH.

So I emailed the secretary at West and asked her if she got my information about the media specialist job. She said yes but that they do not have my media specialist endorsement on file. I told her that the job posting only said teaching certificate so that's why I applied. So blah. I have no idea what's going to happen there.

Boombah has not contacted me at all. I emailed my resume about a month ago and i emailed the warehouse manager that I was no longer in school and gave him my personal email instead of my work email. Not that i necessary want to start working tomorrow i just want the sigh of relief that i have a job come August or whenever. Its kinda hard to enjoy my summer when all my brain does is think job, job, need a job, need a job....I have been able to get a lot of work done around the house but i look around and still feel overwhelmed by all the stuff i want to get done. Get rid of pond, New garage, New driveway, New fence, get rid of the ground ivy somehow, new front porch stairs, maybe new gutters, and that's just outside, not to mention the inside patch small holes in the walls and miscellaneous other things around here. So overwhelmed. Right now mostly i've been digging out and rearranging what i have. Trying to find places for pictures and I guess overall its called "nesting" I know i should be enjoying it and i kinda do but still my brain keeps chanting about the job. I'm like in this constant state of agitation on the inside. Very unsettling.

So I did some looking today I found a Career Center Aide position at Minooka High school and a Guidance secretary at Yorkville Middle School. Which i think would be different enough to get me thinking what i like and don't like so i can focus on what i want to do. So i'm going to apply for those positions, but i wonder what they see when they look at my resume. I just feel ignored when i fill out their applications online, i guess i should take the next step and call and follow up but ugh, i hate selling myself and that's what it feels like i'm doing. That whole situation the interview and looking for a job and everything that goes along with it, i hate it. barf.  Granted i was not happy at my last job, but the reason i stayed there so long was because i was avoiding this whole looking for a job situation and i was comfortable, comfortably miserable. I am glad i don't have to think about going back there cause I don't know what i'd do. 

Okay i think i'm feeling better now. Thank you for reading/listening. =)

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Some favorite quotes from Turn Coat by Jim Butcher [Jun. 17th, 2009|09:05 am]
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[Current Mood | geeky]
[Current Music |Hoodoo, Muse]

Quote 1

"If a revolver was good enough for Indiana Jones," I said, "its good enough for me."

"He was a fictional character, Harry," Her mouth curved up in a small smile. "And he had a whip."

I eyed her.

Her eyes sparkled. "Do you have a whip, Dresden?"

I eyed her even more. "Murphy...are you coming on to me?"

Quote 2

"Where is your unit?" Murphy asked.

I waggled my eyebrows at her. "Right where its always been, dollface."

She made a noise that sounded like someone about to throw up.


I love the Murphy and Harry banter!



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(no subject) [Jun. 5th, 2009|11:35 am]
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[Current Mood | chipper]

Well i'm done with school. Mixed feelings about that, happy its summer and I don't have to deal with disrespectful students anymore, but sad cause I don't have a job! On my last day i was checking the JTHS employment opportunities just to make sure that they were not hiring anymore biology teachers (cause they needed to get rid of me because of the numbers of students taking biology, and they probably picked me specifically cause they have to pay me more having a masters and all and that I had a unsatisfactory on my evaluation) Well what i found was that a position was open for a media specialist at west campus. It say high school teacher/media specialist. So this means its not an assistant job, and the qualifications were that you have your teaching certificate, which i do. Seeing this gave me hope. I really hope that i get this position. I can stay there for a bit and figure out what i want to do. I should have a shoe in cause i came from central, but we'll see...

I've been so productive and its the 3rd day i've been on break. I'm going to list some of the things i did because i feel so satisfied i got them done: fertilized the lawn, mowed the lawn (Andy kinda helped), pulled weeds and spread mulch and placed rocks in the back yard, organized office closet, (now Andy has a place to hide, i mean put his warhammer crap, i mean stuff, so that it is less in the living room) I organized the stuff i took home from school and found places for the boxes, i worked on hobbies in the craft room, washed all my sheets, quilts, blankets anything that had to do with my bed, cleaned bathrooms, washed the shower curtain in the washing machine (this really pleased me for some reason...)i think thats about it, and i have so much more to do!

So on the job front i've decided i'm going to wait and if i don't hear anything from JTHS by the end of next week I'll email boombah and be like remember me? You got any jobs laying around that you might wanna give me? Okay time to get back to organizing the spare room!
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Don't really want to post but feel that i should [Apr. 30th, 2009|09:20 pm]
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[Current Mood | uncomfortable]

If you have not heard i did not get the Seneca job, which is probably for the best because i'm tired of teaching. i don't want to think about planning lessons to entertain students or grading papers or dealing with discipline or anything like that anymore.

I want to do something entirely different for a while. And perhaps go back to school and get my endorsement in library information specialist and become a school librarian eventually. I filled out an application at a yorkville animal hospital but that has been the extent of that. I'm torn with wanting my summer. ( i would like to fully unpack, hang pictures, put up curtains, get the house good and organized, set up the crafty room, print out all my wedding pictures put them in an album, make a huge collage of wedding photos) and wanting a job of some sort. I feel that if i don't take a job over the summer i may miss the opportunity.  If Boombah is still busy in June I will try and work there. Hopefully if i can get a job there it's a flexible one where i only work like 4 days a week so i can do some of those things listed. 

One of my biology teacher friends knows someone that works at the veterinary clinic in mokena/orland park area and i guess they are looking for people and they know about me. But its so far away from morris. With construction on 80 it takes me almost an hour to get home from Joliet, i can't imagine how long it would take to get home from there.

I guess if i don't find a job i can always substitute in the fall. Not that i really like doing that at all. I hate the uncertaintly of knowing if i have to work the next day and what i would be doing. I also hate how it's mostly discplining students. But the money's not too bad. Usually about $100 a day.

Ugh. I hate uncertainty. Well if you know of any jobs out there close to morris that you think i could do, let me know. =)

One thing i am grateful for is that Andy has a secure job with benefits. If that wasn't the case I would feel much worse about the situation.

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Let me tell you a little story...about the neighbor boys! [Apr. 10th, 2009|08:05 am]
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[Current Mood | pleased]
[Current Music |A sorta Fairytale, Tori Amos]

Okay so ever since the weather got a little better the neighborhood kids have been playing catch with a hard baseball in my front yard throwing the ball across the street. It bothered me but that's because i don't like people touching my stuff and being close to my house. (At one time there were like 8-10 teenagers in my front yard running around and wrestling  and throwing rocks at each other, I called Andy and told him, he said to tell them to get out of the yard, or to stop throwing the rocks, of course they stopped before it could, I then called my mom and told her about it. She asked if i wanted her to get my Dad and have me go out there with my phone and hand my phone to one of the kids and say My Dad wants to talk to you, and have my Dad yell at the kids in my yard from my phone, but i decided against that, i'm a big girl.) Well Andy didn't really care or see a problem in the playing catch in our yard, until one day during spring break he came home from lunch and they were playing in the front yard like usual and we heard a thump. I looked out and they were running away from near his truck into their house. I told Andy, what if they hit your truck? He ran out there and looked around and didn't see any damage. Well any new damage. It dawned on me at that moment that the broken tail light that he had on his truck that we notice a few months ago was probably from a baseball. And if you were to look at the crack there is a circle dent below it. Definatly from a baseball. He went across the street and knocked on the door and asked what happened, what did they hit? They were like the house we just hit the house. He asked them if they hit the truck. Nono, didn't hit the truck just the house.  Well he told them to stay out of the yard.

A few days later I look out there and they are playing with wiffle bats hitting a wiffle ball across the street. I called Andy and told him what they were doing and he said well tell them to get out of the yard. So i gathered up all my courage, which i don't know why it was so hard for me but it was, went and got the mail and said please get out of my yard and did a little hand motion like, go on, get! And they proceeded to stand in their front yard for like 15 minutes confused of what to do next because i ban them from using my yard again. (seriously park, down the street...not hard...) After that they continued to play catch kinda sorta in our yard, mostly staying on the sidewalk in front of our yard and closer to our neighbors then they were before. But still they suck and stray throws would still go near the house and when that would happen Andy would say....And your done. And then they would go back to their own yard. Or if Andy wasn't around i would go and sit on the porch and they would eventually move back to their own yard.

A few nights ago after Andy got home from work and had kicked them out of our yard again we heard a tapping at the front of the house. I had no idea what the sound was but Andy knew right away it was airsoft gun pellets hitting the house. He ran outside and found them a few houses down. I guess when he found them they tried denying it but Andy said your not stealthy and i'm not stupid. So there were 3 boys and they all had guns one of them was telling the truth and said that yes their were shooting at the roof of our house, and that the main boy(that lives across the street) said that we were mean because we wouldn't let them play in our yard. Andy told them i know your like 14 and think you have a right to other people's yards but you don't! (i think they are more 16ish) So he told the main kid to take him to his parents. He went and knocked on the door and the little girl that lives there answered (who lets their like 7 year old daughter answer the door at 8:30 at night??) Andy talked to the mom of the main kid and told her what happened and that they have been told to stop playing in our yard and they have not and if it continues that we will call the police and that he expects them to be punished for this. (while this is happening i'm watching from the library/office window) I guess in the middle of telling what happened Andy was like "hi i'm Andy we moved in across the street::shock hands::" then continued his rant. (i love my husband)

So that was Tuesday. They haven't been in our yard since, and they think that it hurts our feelings when they scream and yell noises as Andy enters the house. Oh i also heard the neighbor kid making fun of Andy's truck as he was leaving Wed. evening, he called it a rickety piece of junk, I was very surprised the kid didn't swear. Let's see so now we are onto yesterday, Thursday. They were playing catch in their own yard down the length of the street instead of across it like before. Andy had Tim over to play with the boffer weapons.  When Tim got here Andy came around from the backyard carring his sheild and sword. The main kid's face dropped. His mouth was agape and he swung around and looked at the other kid. They then walked (still across the street) over trying to look into our back yard. I couldn't tell if they thought it was cool or if they thought that Andy is a big dork. After that they were riding their bikes in the alley behind the house getting a better look at the action. I guess they also went to the next street down and watched thinking they weren't being seen. I find this hilarious!! The look on that kids face was priceless. I'm thinking that eventually i many have the neighbor kids in my back yard getting lessons from Andy of how to make a boffer sword or something. HA! I'll keep you posted!
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66 Sick days 1 down! [Apr. 1st, 2009|09:36 am]
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[Current Mood | calm]

I have 66 sick days that i'm not going to be reimbursed for when i leave JT. (well i will, kinda, they will be in my Teacher's retirement fund and i'll be able to use them to help me retire, but i'm not sure if i'm even going to continue to be a teacher in the long run so i'm using em)  In all my teaching career i have never took a sick day. I took 2 personal days when i got married but that has been it in 4 years. At first the thought of taking a sick day and having to make sub plans was something i dreaded, and the thought of not being there and getting behind on grading and things like that was also something i didn't think was worth just not being there. I also thought that people that took sick days were just weak, i mean i went to work with pink eye for goodness sake!
Until now. I took today off. Tomorrow is an sip day (late start) and on those days i usually have them watch a biology related movie so i figure i won't really be getting behind and what they are doing in class today is just reviewing their vocab words, and that i really didn't NEED to be there. It is awesome. I have already got so much done this morning. Unfortunately i did not get a very good night sleep (woke up pretty much every hour cause i was scared i wouldn't call before 6am) and because i was nervous about calling in at 5:30 in the morning and having to say i was taking a sick day. But i'm sure it will get easier. I mean i have 65 of them....there or only 40 some days left of school. I figure if i really don't need to be there to teach that day and i won't get too behind...great time to take off! I'll probably only use like 10 or so that's still 50 left for retirement if i do stay in the teaching field. I'm so glad i got over the martyr, lawful good, feeling that was holding me back from taking sick days. They are awesome!  Okay back to cleaning/organizing the house!
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Laini Ladies [Mar. 23rd, 2009|08:24 pm]
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[Current Mood | giddy]

I found these at a little store in Morris. I wants them all!!!  They are awesome!

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Update on things with me [Mar. 12th, 2009|06:15 pm]
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[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood | hungry]
[Current Music |maximo park, apply some pressure]

I'm just gonna spit these things out at random.

Last week Friday i put in my letter of resignation. My evaluator/supervisor type person was like, are you sure? Are you sure about this? Do you have another job lined up? Which no i don't, but i wanna quit the gym. (reference from Friends)

I have a meeting with the Principal at 7 in the morning tomorrow, its to discuss next school year. When i got the email about it i figured that this was the sorry we don't want you to work here anymore meeting so that's why i put in the letter. I'm dreading it, i don't want to go especially so early in the morning. I hope i don't get upset during the meeting. bah, i hope its' quick and easy. dread dread dread...

Today was the spirit assembly. I participated in the staff cheer and even did a cart wheel at the end. I got a free shirt out of it. I'll find out tomorrow what my students thought about the assembly. The few i saw in the hall after the assembly said nice flip.  The stupid students booed us though. jackasses.

I have an interview at Seneca Jr High during my spring break. I hope i feel happy about teaching by then and not bitter like i am now.

I finished the application for the library assistant job a week ago in Shorewood but haven't heard anything about it yet. =( I think that would be the right thing, i could go back to school get my counselor degree have some kids then go and be a school counselor. But i'm not sure what's in store with me. Still waiting.

My Nana was supposed to start chemo this week but she got sick and had a high temperature and was not able to start. My mom said she doesn't think she'll make it to chemo, she's so pessimistic. I think it comes from working at the hospital so long and seeing people hurt and dying from disease. She is kinda weak but her fever is going down.

It's awkward at school when teachers are like oh what room will you end up in next year? And i have to pretend that i'm going to be there. I don't really want to tell a lot of people yet, not till i have a plan.

I can't wait for spring break. It's the last week in March.

I was reminiscing the other day, I miss the weekends during college where Andy and I would hang out with his friends Friday night and then hang out with my friends Saturday night . I miss how it was a given that that's what we'd be doing. Even when nothing was specifically planned we would have fun hanging out and doing nothing. Stupid getting jobs and becoming an adult.

This song is in my head i think the lyrics are appropriate...

I'd like to wait, to see how things turn out,
If you apply some pressure,
I'd like to wait, to see how things turn out,
If you apply some pressure,

What happens when you lose every-thing,
you just start again,
you start all over again,
What happens when you lose every-thing,
you just start again,
you start all over again,



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Dream Job... [Mar. 1st, 2009|09:29 pm]
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[Current Mood | worried]

While looking for jobs on the internet last night i stumbled over one of my perfect dream jobs. There an opening for a Library assistant at Troy middle school in Shorewood. I read the description and it sounded awesome...

Compensation:   In accordance with the negotiated labor agreement. 

Qualifications: 
    
·        High School Diploma
·        30 hours of college credits
·        Such alternatives to the above qualifications as the Board may find appropriate and acceptable.
Performance Responsibilities: (Essential Duties) 
 
·        Prepare individual library schedule.
·        Order and receive books selected for purchase by the librarian.
·        Prepare and conduct library classes.
·        Write notices to homeroom teachers and students concerning overdue books, and collects fines for such books.
·        Make simple repairs on damaged books and sends more severely damaged books for repair to the LRC Director.
·        Monitor attendance in the library and keeps attendance records.
·        Ready books for reserve on teacher’s requests, and maintains the reserve shelf.
·        Prepare current magazines for shelving and maintains the back number stacks.
·        Responsible for the annual inventory of library materials and the preparation of lists of missing books and books to be
         discarded.  This information is sent to the LRC Director.
·        Shelve incoming books.
·        Oversee the general neatness and attractiveness of the library and its’ displays.
·        Maintains current inventory of supplies and suggests items for acquisition as needed.
·        Help students and teachers locate books, periodicals, reference materials and other instructional materials.
·        Read to all classes (in elementary buildings)
·        Responsible for maintaining proper student discipline in the LRC.
·        Inventory and maintain AV equipment and distributes equipment to the staff.
·        Locate materials using the on-line computer catalog.
·        Check books in/out on the computer.
·        Attend all LRC staff meetings.
·        Refer requests for Inter-library loan requests to the district LRC Director and responsibility for distribution of books to the     teacher and the return of the books to the LRC Director.
·        Perform such other tasks as the LRC Director may, from time to time, assign.
I can do all those things, and would enjoy doing them. Granted the pay would be lots less but still, it would be like a breath of fresh air, and i could have time to go back to school and get my degree in counseling or library science if i so choose. It just sounds so awesome. Only thing is they want some one now. I was thinking if they really wanted me how it would be if i left my job now...probably not smart. But if they really wanted me would they wait till next year? Who knows they would probably think i'm over qualified or something. Both Andy and my Mom said to fill out the application so i am in the process of doing that. Takes forever, but at least i'll be in the system for Science teacher there too. Ugh i just want it so much!
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Oh me, oh my. [Feb. 18th, 2009|07:51 pm]
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[Current Mood | blah]

So results are finally in on my Nana. She has lung cancer that spread to a spot on her brain. They are going to start radiation on her brain to try and shrink it then move on to her lungs. It sucks but her and my mom's relationship is better than it has ever been in their entire life. Nana would verbally abuse my mom and was just plain mean to her for no reason. Now it's like nothing ever happened like that. Its strange, but good.

On the job front. I had my last evaluation from the other lady. Her concern was that when the students were working in groups the students i was working with were focused and attentive but all the other groups were off task and having inappropriate conversations. She was also concerned that we keep having the same conversations and i haven't seemed to be growing. I told her how i've been struggling with not being happy and that i think it's the age group. She told me that i'm a very good teacher and that if she could she would want me to teach her kids and she doesn't tell everyone that. That is just not the age group for me. She gave me some good advice and told me that she would help me in any way she could. So i asked her if i would be asked back next year, on my cover of my evaluation its' marked unsatisfactory. She said that she did not know if i would be asked back but as soon as she hears anything she would let me know. They are getting rid of 2 biology teachers, so i'm probably going to be one of them. I really don't see how they could keep me. My parents don't want me to leave there until i have something lined up because they hear horrier stories of the job shortage. If i come home in the evening and some evenings i hope that something catastrophic happens in the world so that i don't have to go back to work in the morning, i don't think that's the place for me. 

This reminds me of a dream i had during the summer, it was that i was fired. At first i was sad then i had this overwhelming feeling of relief. I kinda have that feeling of relief again because i don't have to go back there next summer, i can find something that will make me happy, hopefully. So now i'm looking for a middle school science teaching job. I found two in seneca and i'm going to send my information to them at the end of the week when i have all my letters in a row. Wish me luck!
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I wanna quit the gym! [Feb. 4th, 2009|09:34 pm]
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[Current Mood | exhausted]
[Current Music |C'mon Collapse, On]

My mom was telling me today that she saw my old principal from Jr High at work and she told him my situation how i'm not happy where i'm working and that i was thinking of quitting there and looking for another teacher job probably at a Jr high. He suggested if i have a job stay there because apparently there are more teachers out there than there are jobs. So now i have this bad feeling that i may have to stay there another year  or so cause i may not be able to find another job. I was evaluated by the other lady last week Friday. She said that she was going to come in again and see me on Monday or Tuesday but she never did, i'm wondering if she changed her mind and what she saw was enough. She did tell me when she left that she liked the activity i was doing on Friday. Who knows. I'll find out on Tuesday if she thinks i'll be asked back next year. ugh. Before i had this hopeful feeling that i didn't have to stay there i could find something else and have a chance at finding something that might make me happy, but now i don't know what will happen.

I broke up a fight yesterday in my class. (i'm really proud about this) It was at the end of class they had gotten new seats (apparently certain students should not sit by each other..now i know) I was was walking around the classroom and i turn around and see one kid punching on another kid I yelled the kid doing the punching's name and pull him off the other kid. I then stand in between them. Then the punching kid looks at me and asks me if he can sit down. (what?!)The other kid that got punch is proceeding to bleed everywhere. I go and call security to come and get the fighting students. I was shaking but very happy that i controlled the situation.

The principal observed me today. He saw my one and only favorite class so that was good. I think it went well. Who knows what he was thinking though.

I keep forgetting things this week. On Tuesday i forgot the dvd i wanted to show in class at home in my laptop, i had to run around like crazy finding and burning another copy and getting it all done with 15min to spare before class started. Today i left my purse at home. 

I"ve been so busy and tired that i have not shaved my legs since January 19th. In order for me to shave my legs i like to take a bathe and that has been too much effort for me lately. I hope i find time soon.

Nana is home from the hospital. Still do not know what is in her lung. They did 2 biopsy on her and they both came back inconclusive. She is having a 4 hour total body scan on my b-day Saturday. It's strange my mom and Nana never really had a good relationship because Nana verbally abused my mom (called her names and told her she was worthless and such) My mom always hoped for her to be nice and treat her like she did everyone else and i guess she got her wish cause ever since she's been in the hospital she has been really nice and no guilt trips and mean behavior. My mom has said why now, why not earlier, i just hope she stays nice like this for mom's sake.

Earlier in the month i was depressed about getting older. I thought at this age i would have kids and i'm worried about getting too old to have kids. I'm starting to feel the need that i just may want one of those. (one preferably like Megan my youngest niece) Now with my career and crap the way it is, i'm not sure when it will happen.

I want a haircut but don't know when i will have time for one.

I want to do something for my b-day on Saturday but my house is a mess and i won't have time to clean it the way i would want it to look for more then a few people to come over. I wonder if that makes any sense?

Ten minutes before i turn into a pumpkin. I should go shower so i can collapse into bed, so freakin tired.
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I miss being an Ostrich with my head in the sand... [Jan. 27th, 2009|09:10 pm]
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[Current Mood | worried]

So I got a call from my Dad Sunday night and he said that my Nana (my mom's mom, i call her nana not to confuse her with my other grandma when i was little) had stroke symptoms and went to the hospital. I went and visited her after school yesterday and today. They ran a bunch of tests on her and found a spot on her lungs and a spot on her brain and the symptoms they thought were stroke symptoms was really a small seizure. They are doing a biopsy tomorrow of the spot on her lung. My mom mention that its common with cancer that spreads to go to the brain. Not saying that it is cancer....we won't know anything until the biopsy comes back. But still. I liked it better when i didn't know there were spots on my Nana's body parts.

Bah, anybody got a good organelle worksheet out there......didn't think so.
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SNOW/COLD DAY!! YAY!!!! [Jan. 15th, 2009|08:27 am]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood | cheerful]
[Current Music |Simon and Garfunkel, America]

Snow day for me!! I'd like to thank Chrissy's wishes and [info]faytanya 's sign that she got me for Christmas, i believe those helped me be able to stay home today. Never mind that fact that its freakin freezing out....Hope everyone stays warm!!
Time to get a lot of stuff done!! Weeeee!!!!
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I think this is all of them...2008! [Jan. 5th, 2009|09:42 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Mood | hopeful]

Favorite moments of 2008 in no particular order.

-Getting married on one of the coldest days of the year.

-Getting my soft little kitty Clementine.

-My parents getting their new puppy Bella, (I still miss Lacey though)

-Petting an opossum at the Elwood garage sales.

-Going to the Taste of Chicago and seeing the fireworks on the 4th. That day was very friend filled!

-Me getting asked to be a bridesmaid and Andy getting asked to be a groomsman. (Yay!! Chrissy and Shane!!)

-Going to the Trailer race in Indiana and then swinging on the swings afterwards. (Yay!! Chrissy and Shane!!)

-Seeing Dark Knight with my brother and Andy.

-Getting a house.

-Donating my hair to locks of love.

-Going to Seattle to visit Jim with my side of the friends.  Trees are furry there, and I made kabobs!

-Going to Lewis’s turning 30 surprise party.

-Brian surprising us by showing up out of nowhere to help move. (seriously one my favoritest moments ever!)

-All our friends helping us move on Andy’s b-day, he felt so loved.

-Going shopping the day after Thanksgiving with my cousins, grandma, and Aunt. (We left at like 4 in the morning.)

-Finding a hobby (scrapbooking) even if I can only do it during the summer…

-Going to the zoo with my parents and eating animal cookies like I did when I was little.

-Helping Lauren move her new bed into her new apartment. (I am still proud it fit in my car!)

-Spending the day shopping with my mom on her birthday.
 

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! [Jan. 2nd, 2009|06:26 pm]
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[Current Mood | good]
[Current Music |Mad Man Season 1]

Let's see what all did i get for Christmas let me try and remember. From Andy i got Wicked tickets!!!! That was a surprise, i did drop a few hints that it was leaving and i would like to see it, but then kinda forgot about it until i opened my gift. The box had a theme it was, "here are things that make you happy even though i do not like them" It was the Wicked tickets and the soundtrack to Twilight. He also got me a bunch of other cds. Andy and I got a nice foot stool from my parents, and Andy's parents got us a small deep freeze.  We got the first season of Mad Men which is very good, and i got green striped gloves that are awesome. Oh i got the last two books of the Twilight series, and a bunch of other wonderful things i can't remember right now. Oh my mom's mom made me an afghan

I got Andy themed presents too, there was a kitchen themed present with a toaster cover made of fabric with rocket ships on it, flame stickers for his mixer, and a large deep sauce pan. There was a tea themed present with a bunch of different types of teas and a teapot and various strainers. And then a Painting themed present cause he said he wanted to try painting a picture.

Andy and I started the new year with a funeral. On new year's day we attended his uncle's wake. He died in a car accident at 2 in the morning on the 29th. I guess he lost control of his car on the ice and rolled it. Today was the funeral, Andy was a pallbearer. 

The cats, they are lucky that they are cute. They both have urinary tract infections. Earlier this week the house reeked of cat pee, its getting better, the basement still has an odor though.
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Apparently i'm a tool cause i love the twilight... [Dec. 16th, 2008|10:26 pm]
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[Current Mood | tired]

I have a very nice husband who took me to see twilight tonight. He held his tongue and was very good the entire show. Granted it wasn't the best acting in the world or the best dialogue but me being the hopeless romantic that i am loved it. The snow made the evening romantic too. My biggest complaint with the show was that the girl hardly ever smiled. Seriously, the hottest guy in school is in love with you...my cheeks would be killing me from all the smiling. Off to bed to continue reading the second twilight book....
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Could i have been.... [Dec. 1st, 2008|08:37 pm]
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[Current Mood | uncertain]
[Current Music |Dave Matthews, Old Dirt Hill]

"oh my God, wait and see, what will soon become of me? This frozen heart and screaming wheels, does that screaming come from me? I"m dizzy from all this spinning."

I'm scared of the unknown. I requested information from Olivet Nazarene university about library information specialist. I feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff looking off at the rocks below and i'm not sure what to do. Do i jump and end up soaring or will i just crash in the rocks. There's problems like the money for the classes. I really don't want to have to put off on a garage for school. There's not knowing if i'll be able to find a job once i'm done with the program. There's what if after i do find a job i then don't like it like i dont' like this one.
Ugh, where's my rock i can hide under. Also part of the information that i got from Olivet was that a cohort is starting in February at martino Junior high in New Lenox for the degree that i want. When i got the email about that i thought, well i have to do it, it's right in new lenox, for one evening a week, and in less then 2 years i'll have my degree...and then my brain started work over time, over analyzing like it does...and then i become depressed and uncertain.


"I could not see for the fog in my eyes, I could not feel for the fear in my life"  "i'm not a stranger in the hands of the Maker."
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I almost killed them all!! =( [Nov. 26th, 2008|05:39 pm]
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[Current Mood | worried]

So I cleaned the fish tank today. And the filter wouldn't work. So some time would go by i'd try it again, still nothing. I'm not sure what i was thinking, i guess i was thinking oh they will be fine until i figure out what's going on. Laa...Laa....Laa.... But then(dun..dun..dun!!!) i look at my tank and they were not looking good. Their swimming near the bottom breathing hard, one is trying not to be belly up but sucking at it. It was not looking good. In my head i was screaming NOOOOOOOO!!! So i ran to the pet store in morris and said i need a fish tank filter (stat!!) She gave me one I ran home and was like ripping the packaging off and trying to read the directions and put the thing together. I was trying not to look at the tank cause it was just upsetting me. Granted they are just fish but i've had them for a while and one i've even had for like 2 years, and i moved with them and none of them died until now. So there was one casulty. But the new filter is in there now and they seem to be doing better. ::crosses fingers::
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Sorry it's long, but i have a lot to say. [Nov. 7th, 2008|04:57 pm]
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[Current Mood | exhausted]
[Current Music |How my heart behaves, Feist]

I've been contemplating life recently because i've been so unhappy and stressed with my job and i've come to some conclusions. If i were to grade myself on how good a teacher i am i would give myself a C. I'm about average, i don't really go out of my way to do wonderful things in the classroom, but i don't think i suck either. If i were to grade myself when i was a vet assistant i would have given myself an A maybe even an A+. I was freakin awesome at the job i did everything cleaning, restocking, assisting with surgeries, caring for animals, and i did a good job at it and i enjoyed doing (well most of it, poop smells bad, and bites hurt) it.

I realized why i got into teaching, which for the longest time i couldn't even remember why i did, i could just remember thinking it was something i could do. My senior year in high school i took Anatomy and Physiology and loved it. It was then that i decided i wanted to be an A and P teacher, and yeah sure have some biology classes on the side, whatever...focus on the A n P. But then when i got into the education classes and teaching classes and realized that the most common job out there that i'm endorsed in is Biology, i kinda forgot why i got into it in the first place. Another thing that makes me a C teacher is that i'm not passionate about Biology. It's hard for me to get excited about my subject matter, which is terrible. A teacher needs to freakin love her subject matter and exude that all over the students.(which sounds messy) If i was talking about sternocleidomastoids, and phalanges i think that would be a different story, but i'm not. So when people say oh it's just your school i've realized that in that respect it's not just my school, cause i don't think i would be as passionate about my subject matter at another school either.

I am not the teacher i thought i would be, and i don't think it's fair to my students. I should want to know more about my content area and keep informed on the information that i'm teaching, but i don't and i get annoyed when they ask a lot of questions cause i don't really know the answers to them. Granted a lot of the questions they ask are off the wall questions that no one would really know (Andy probably would though...::shakes fist::) like why does an air bag burn your skin, i can make stuff up and postulate but i don't freakin know.

Anyway i had my pre-conference today with one of the people that is going to observe me. It's my fourth year, the year they decide if they are going to keep me or not. She kept saying not to put pressure on you but it's your fourth year. You shouldn't really have discipline problems and that she want's to see me hit one out of the park cause she really hasn't ever seen that from me. So she's really expecting a lot from me and i don't know if she's gonna like what she see's and i'm scared. Granted i don't really like my job all that much but a job i dislike is better than no job at all. She was asking me all these questions and i was trying to make myself sound really good, yes i've been more excited in my lessons and yes i'm more confident in the classroom and yes i pertain the class to real world situations. Yes i have a good repore with my students and am able to make relationships with them (that part was never hard) I hope i can deliver when the time comes and put on a spectacular show and make it to next year so i can work there while i figure out what else i want to do.

Last weekend at the Halloween party, i don't know who she was (she was the one that came with the one dressed like Carrie) but we were talking and she was saying how she used to be a chemistry teacher and didn't care for all the outside work and took some classes and became a librarian at a school. She said it's really easy and went on about her job. That got me thinking. I've never been good at the constant talking and discipline with being a teacher. I honestly don't really like to talk a lot. I've never felt that i knew enough information to be a teacher. I don't really like being confined to having to do something for certain hours of the day. I love books, I love helping students that want help. I think this might be better for me than being a teacher. If you guys have any opinions about this yea or nah please, please, give some advice.

Today I found out that they just added some more science classes to the curriculum, one of them being medical terminology. I am really interested in this class but i doubt there would be 5 classes of it to teach, so that means i'd probably have to teach something else with it, and i can barley teach one subject alone and have a life as it is there's no way i could do more. That might be interesting though, but then i think i might fall into the same problems as above with not knowing enough, but at least i may be more passionate about it then about just biology. Dunno...feed back would be appreciated. Thanks for reading my ramble. =)

Something i just thought of, when i was helping my mom's friend in a biology class from juco, i got the feeling that kept me going in teaching this rush of i know something and i can help you i want to do something that gives me that feeling. Okay i'm done now.
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Moulin Rouge [Oct. 13th, 2008|12:07 am]
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[Current Mood | Lovey]
[Current Music |The show must go on...Moulin Rouge]

One of my favorite parts of Moulin Rouge, which i guess is an actual song....


(Satine)
If I should die
This very moment
I wouldn't fear

For I've never known completeness
Like being here

Wrap in the warm of you
Loving ev'ry breath of you

Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day.....

Gosh i love that movie. ::Swoon::
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