Sunday

 We were going to get up early and see if we could see a Mexican sunrise, but when the alarm went off I took a peek outside and it was already kinda light and it was really cloudy, and I was tired, so we just went back to bed. When we got up we stopped at the breakfast buffet. This is the day that I discovered Nutella on plantains. SO GOOD! We then gathered up our stuff and set off for a ride around the island only this time without rain. It was so bright and beautiful. We stopped at the blow hole place and I took some video and we walked around. Andy had me stand by the edge and took some pictures of me. The first time I got sprinkled with the waves as they were splashing on the coast. The second time he tried out the area, stood there for a few seconds and said yeah you should be fine. Hand me stand there and took some pictures of me. In one of the pictures you can see this huge wave coming toward me and then the next picture is the result of what the huge wave did. I screamed I was so surprised that it almost completely drenched me. That sneaky ocean!! We then walked around more on the beach and Andy discovered an eel skeleton. We went back to the car and drove some more. Down the road a bit we stopped at a white sandy beach in hopes that we might see some sea turtles, but alas. None. We had to fill up with gas before we returned the car so we went to the down town area. This time we were more familiar with it so we didn’t get lost. We got back to the hotel and turned in the car. I felt bad because it had a lot of sand in it. We then went to the beach so I could try out snorkeling before we went on the snorkeling tour. I tried, but every time I put the mask on and went underwater with the tube I could not control my breathing. Between my fear of not being able to touch the bottom because I can’t tread water very well and my slight claustrophobia I figured it would take me too long to become comfortable with it and decided to stay on the boat. The boat came and picked us up on the pier of our hotel and took us to some coral reefs. It let people out 3 times. The first time was in about 3 foot of water so that people could check their equipment and get used to it. We saw some starfish. I saw them through the glass bottom boat. (I stayed in the boat with some older couples.) The next stop was a little deeper. Andy said he saw a sea turtle, and some caves and a bunch of fish. Andy said he saw one of the guides swim into a cave and he was waiting for him to swim out, next thing he knew the guide was next to him, asking him if he was looking for someone. The guy was swimming around like a fish! The guy that was steering the boat blasted some music, it was great. The third stop there were bigger fish, but fewer of them. After they were all done snorkeling we headed back and they opened the coolers to hand out beer and other beverages. Andy got a juice box. He kept saying I go snorkeling, and then I get a juice box. The boat dropped us back off at the pier and we sat on the beach for a bit trying to warm up. I really wanted to be one of those people that could just sit at the beach and read all day, but it’s just so hard. I wanted to explore and experience Mexico. We then went back to the hotel (there was a fruit basket waiting for us, that pear was yummy!) and took some hot showers. We took so many hot showers and with all the humidity in the air, nothing would dry. It was rather annoying.  We got all dressed up and went to the steak restaurant that we had reservations for. (Actually our reservations were for 8:30 but we were ready a bit early so decided to see if they would take us and they did) Dinner was very nice they had a buffet for the appetizers and then steak for dinner. After dinner we walked out onto the pier and danced a little to music we heard playing at the other hotels. (Actually I think it was from the hotel that Dan was staying at…) We then went back to the room and our key wouldn’t work so Andy had to go back to the front desk twice, it was kinda nice cause it was the only time I got to relax in the hammock. We got to bed early cause we had to get a taxi at 6:15am.

Friday

Left Angela and Dugan’s house very, very, early in the morning…3 to be exact. We took a taxi to the airport and boarded at 5ish. It was nice I saw the sunrise from the plane. We landed in Houston and hurried to the next flight only to wait in line. The next flight we caught was about 45min late, which was kinda nice so we didn’t have to worry about missing the flight.  The flight to Cozumel was a little bumpy. I had to force myself not to woo when my stomach dropped. When we landed in Cozumel we got off the plane onto stairs outside. It was raining and humid. We made it through customs, and found our funjet people. We took a taxi to our hotel. On the way we dropped off some people at the hotel we almost stayed at. I’m so glad we didn’t stay there, our hotel was much better than that one. So once we got to the hotel we had to wait a bit for our room. We explored the hotel grounds with their peacocks, flamingos, lizards, and turtles. We also had some lunch at one of their buffets. When our room was ready they took our luggage to it in a little golf cart type thing it was great! Our room unfortunately had 2 double beds. Andy went and talked to the front desk, and got us a room with a king the rest of the time we were there. We then changed into our swimming suits and explored the beach. I’m so glad my mommy got us the wet shoes, it made walking around on the rocks much easier.  After that we had dinner at their buffet. That was the only evening we were there that they had kiwi. Poor Andy kept wanting more. We then when back to the room and found Phantom of the Opera on it was about over but it was still cool to see. I enjoyed watching tv even though half the stations were in Spanish.

Saturday

When we woke up it was raining. It rained pretty much the entire day. We went and had breakfast then watched some tv, we decided to explore the beach while we were waiting for time to pass so we could switch rooms. On the beach we walked past the part of the beach that was protected by the hotel and found some hotels that were destroyed by hurricane Katrina.  We also found some crabs, and sea urchins, and conch shells, and little fish in the ocean. We then went back and had lunch. They really didn’t have anything to drink that I liked so I went to talk to the guys behind the bar to see if they had anything I was interested in. They did not know what horchata was. I saw some white beverage, the bartender said it was coconut cream, so I had him make me a drink of that. It was really good, Andy then had one too. After lunch we switched rooms. The second room we had was much nicer, it was on the second floor and the bed was huge!  We also decided to rent a car and drive around the island. The island was very simple, it only had one road going around it. The view from the road was gorgeous. Since it was warm out I kinda assumed that it wouldn’t get dark early, but it did.  The road on Cozumel goes in a huge circle and we had to go through the downtown area to get back to the hotel. We got a little lost in downtown Cozumel. I was a little nervous about it, not that I really had any reason to be…but still. We did stop at a gas station and Andy picked up some kinder eggs. We also stopped into a little shop selling fish, (inside Chrissy’s tango song was playing) Andy noticed some turtles that looked  trapped under some plastic in their tank. Andy for some reason asked the guy working there if the turtles were stuck, the guy replayed “si Tortuga” I’m not quite sure what Andy expected him to say…We then found our way back to the hotel and had dinner. Also Andy driving a rent a car is like 2 blind ladies afraid to go forward. It was ridiculous!

Some generalizations i made from observing other people was that we were one of the youngest couple there, and all the other people there smoked like chimneys. It was disgusting. I still can not believe how many people were smoking. Horrible.

I will write more later when I don't have to go to bed....

Last Monday Andy and I were playing a board game while he started dinner. While we were playing he started complaining of blurred vision. He said that it was like he had tunnel vision it was blurry on the sides of his vision. He tried reading the directions to the game and he was having problems seeing the words. After about 15 minutes this passed and he said he could see better. Well actually he tried telling me that he could see better but every sentence he said there was a letter that was incorrect. Like he kept saying Lision instead of Vision. I told him that if he keeps it up that I’m going to call my Mom. He kept trying to say that he was fine but he was struggling with the words. Tears started streaming down my face. This was exactly how my dad was when he had his “mini stroke”, he couldn’t say the word cell phone and kept struggling to speak.  I told my mom what was going on and she told me to go to the ER. While I was on the phone with her Andy kept trying to talk to me, he said the word Fart instead of another word he was trying to say and made himself giggle. After I got off the phone I told Andy to get his shoes on we were going to the ER. He kept asking how much is it going to cost, and his speech improved. He said that he was just tired and had been tired all day. In the previous weekend he had gotten a total of 9 hours of sleep so he had reason to be tired.  I called my mom back and told her that we weren’t going to go. He sat on the couch and rested. We decided that he was going to go and see the doctor tomorrow. I called Bonnie (his sister) and relayed his symptoms. (I felt so silly cause it was all weepy while I was doing it.) I asked her if she could give us some names of some doctors that she thinks are good since Andy doesn’t have a primary care doctor. (she’s a nurse) After I got off the phone with her Andy was complaining of pain behind one of his eyes. He called his dad to get advice of what to do and he suggested Bonnie come over and take his vitals and that he get some sleep. So they came over and checked him out. Everything was normal, he still had the pain behind the eye though. I looked on the internet and those symptoms could be related to a migraine. He went to bed and slept for 8 hours. No symptoms reoccurred. The next day he was fine except a little tenderness where he had the pain the previous day. We couldn’t get into a doctor so I took him to the immediate care Dr in Morris. (I got cuddle raped by a small child in the waiting room) The doctor checked him out and said he thinks he had a migraine but that he should see his primary care doctor because he can’t send him for things like MRI’s and such. So I scheduled an appointment with one of the doctors that Bonnie suggested and he had his check up that Thursday. The primary care doctor says it was probably a migraine but that he had such weird symptoms for the migraine he wanted him to have an MRI just to make sure everything is okay in his brain. So that leads us to today. Today is the day that he has his MRI. Andy was saying he felt a little spacey today. He also said that he didn’t have breakfast so hopefully that was the reason for the spaceyness.  Hopefully the MRI comes back normal.

With Angela and Dugan getting a new house that is kind of a fixer upper. Makes me more antsy to get stuff done with the house i've lived 2 years in already.

Things i would like to do
-When we moved into the house we didn't paint anything there were holes in the walls  and cracks and I just strategically hung pictures to cover most of them. I would like to paint the living room, dining room, and office and would kinda like to paint the downstairs bathroom too. I didn't get the itch until Matthias (who used to paint professionally) This room looks nothing like you! To which i replied my rooms are supposed to look like me? Before that i didn't care, and now i'd like to kinda express myself in the rooms, besides the pictures i hang on the walls. I'm thinking of white walls and blood red around the top where the greenish is now. and then I picked a blue i like from the rug in the office to paint the walls in. The downstairs bathroom i think is kinda blah, i kinda want some type of pink, which i am unsure about because everything in my mom's house is PINK, and LACEY. So i'm a little hesitant to paint anything pink, but i think a deep pink if that exists, would look nice.

-Along with painting the walls goes curtains or valances. The office doesn't have any because when we moved in they were horrible 80's looking things and i took them down and haven't done anything else. The ones in the living room are just there to say i have a valance in the living room, they do nothing to complement anything. Dinning room's okay and then i'd like a small valance in the bathroom. (one the kitties can't reach to smother with fur when they sit in the window.

-Garage, something needs to be done with it. It just had a strip of outlets adhered to the ceiling that runs the garage door. There are no lights in there unless you plug it into the outlet. I would like to somehow have the lights go on when i use the garage door, cause (even thought i've gotten used to it) it don't like coming home at night to a pitch black garage and having to find my way out of it in the dark.

-Basement leaks. I've been working on this. One wall has 3 areas where it leaks from. I shoved cement in the holes and covered those areas fully. The last rain we had 1 of the 3 areas didn't leak the other 2 leaked much less. I still have to paint drylock on it, but i'm not sure that will stop the leaking entirely. What would really help stop think leaking is....

-Gutters. So when ever it rains the water pours over the gutters, they are clean, i think that maybe they are hung wrong or the wrong size or something but when ever it rains a lot there is a pond on the side of the basement that has the leaky parts. So if the gutters sufficiently get the water away from the house then the basement will be less likely to leak. So probably need new gutters.

- The front stairs need replacing. They are saggy and coming apart. At first Andy wanted to replace them with cement  premade stairs and now he wants wood.

-The deck needs to be stained. I have had poor do it yourself staining of the deck experiences. I helped my parents stain their deck and (it's a large deck) we never really finished it all and what we did paint didn't last as long as it was promised. They now hire someone to stain their deck. I have no idea what to do. I would love to just hire someone and be done, but how much? and who? I guess since the weather is nice I could do it myself, but how long would that take? and what stain is good stain....Too many questions!! =(

- The downstairs toilet leaks into the basement when it's flushed. Just some drops but still. It leaks into an area of the basement that i have blocked off because the cats think it's just a big litter box. It leaks and is musty, but it's a small enough area that I just barricade it and try and forget about it. If i could i would LOVE to turn it into a crawl space some how.

- Put quarter round trim around the floor of the living room and dining room. (there isn't any there now) I have finally found the correct color stain. Now i just need to get enough trim, stain them and have Andy cut them and nail them.

-The landing to the basement is a horrible color and the floor doesn't meet the door, there is this 3 inch gap between the door and the vinyl. My dad gave me the material that would go in that hole, I just need to cut it to fit and he has left over vinyl from their kitchen that is a nicer color.

- the upstairs bathroom needs trim around all the tops of the walls around the shower and a cap of wood on top of the walls around the shower. (not just the area's that can be seen from the door)

Things i've done to the house
-Painted the kitchen door and door leading to the basement (they had never been painted before)
-Painted the trim around the basement door, it had bare wood that had never been painted.
- Stained and varnished the upstairs bathroom door, it was untreated. And got out all the white caulk they used to fill the holes in the trim of the door and stained and varnished it.
-Trimmed all the bushes, pulled all the plants I didn't want out, arranged rocks around the landscaped areas, planted flowers, got rid of the pond and put tomatoes there instead.
-Painted the trim outside the downstairs bathroom window, it was bare wood.
-Blacktopped the Driveway (yay, no more weeding the driveway!)
-Washed the inside and outside windows
-Painted most of the basement floor.
-Got all the garbage and stuff the previous owners left behind out of the basement and top of the garage.
-Matthias fixed the hole that was in the wall above where the tv is in the living room.

I think that's all we've done.  Last year the big purchase was getting the driveway blacktopped. We haven't decided from the list which will be the big purchase yet. Perhaps getting new gutters?  I think we maybe able to do the garage thing ourselves, perhaps the deck ourselves, and if it's between the stairs and the gutters, i say gutters. ANYWAY...
Well i should get off my butt and keep working on that list! Tah-Tah! =)

A few weeks ago I noticed a strange vehicle at my next store neighbors. It said Crime scene clean up. I figured the old man that lived behind our neighbors in the garage sized house thing died.  I immediately thought of that movie where there are these 2 sisters that get into the business of cleaning up after people have died.  The people had masks on and white suits and they had paper towels. The next day the neighbor caught Andy and I walking outside and told us that the old man that rented from them had died. He liked to be alone, his son was in jail, and his ex-wife and daughter were in Canada. The neighbors would take him his mail and he went to the vfw every morning. So after memorial day weekend when I guess the neighbors were out of town they then went to give him his mail and found that he had been dead for a few days. I guess the smell was horrible, so bad that even the alley behind the building reeked. They opened the windows of the place to air it out. He said that after the family comes and takes what belongings they want they are going to remodel the place and rent it out again. I guess they need the money to pay school loans and once they turn it into a garage they can’t change it back to a building that they can rent.  Well today after Andy and I had rode our bikes to his parents house we saw a car in the alley and the neighbors were in their yard. I’m guessing it was a relative of the old man that had came to look at his stuff or something. She seemed very upset. It’s such a sad situation.

So they found out why my Dad was feeling sweaty and light headed whenever he would stand up. His legs were filled with blood clots all the way up to his waist where his vena cava filter was located. If he did not have that filter he would have died. I still can’t get over that. This tiny little piece of ceramic saved my Dad’s life.  He had it inserted after he found out he had factor V leiden, it’s there to prevent blood clots from going to his heart or brain or lungs. Well it worked! I’m so happy that he had that filter. On Thursday he went into the hospital by Saturday he was shuffling around the hospital halls with a walker.  He’s legs were so swollen he could barely walk. He went home from the hospital on Sunday evening.  He is on blood thinner (coumadin) and will be for the rest of his life. Today he went to the blood doctor. (Andy thinks his blood doctor sounds like Pepe the prawn from the Muppets, okay) My Mom said that my Dad was asking about getting a handicap parking thingy and the doctor told him no, that he is to walk, and if it hurts to walk take pain medication and walk anyway! I found that funny.  My Mom also told me that what probably caused the massive amount of blood clots was that he sits a lot at work and then would come home and sit at the computer. With his condition he’s supposed to get up and walk every 2 hours or so to keep his blood moving. Well I guess that added up after a while and the aspirin he was taking to thin his blood was not enough. So my Dad is home and recovering . Yay!

While Andy and I were visiting my Dad on Sunday we were leaving with my Grandma and Uncle and My mom to go out to lunch for Mother’s day. We were waiting for the elevators and Andy saw signs that listed what was on the different floors of the hospital. He touched it because he was curious to how it was attached to the wall. Well part of it fell right off the wall. So there Andy is trying to get the piece back on while the elevator door is opening. My Uncle suggested he chuck it in the garbage and run. Andy just placed it on top of the garbage and we ran into the elevator. My Uncle (in jest) told him to shave his head and move to Brazil. Then later my grandmother said that if he was her child he wouldn’t have lived. (from all the beatings)  It was hilarious.  

At 9’oclock on Thursday my parents had a meeting with the Priest at their church. In this meeting my mother told the Priest that she is planning on leaving the Church. You know my Mom, quiet little Italian lady. Usually lets everyone walk all over her and doesn’t stand up for herself. Well don’t mess with her family…She’s meeting with the Priest to talk about leaving the Church?!  I’m still having trouble believing it. Apparently she has had enough.

So here’s the story why…When my Dad was sick in the hospital a few years ago with his stroke/brain aneurism thing, my Mom contacted the Church and told them he was at the hospital and asked if Father could go over and say some prayers with him and visit with him. For the amount of time that he was there never he never saw anyone from St. Jude Church. There was a priest there from Lockport, I think and he ended up praying over my Dad. My Mother was bothered then about how St. Jude was treating them. The last straw was with my Nana. When she went to the hospital for her seizure and was having tests to figure out what the spot was in her brain and lung, my Mom of course called the Church and told them she was there and asked if Father could stop by and see her.(My Grandparents attending Church regularly, unlike my parents.)  After 2 weeks of her being in the hospital the Priest stopped by on the third because Nana’s church lady friends were nagging him too. I’m not sure of the specifics on the rest of the story but the general idea was that he was supposed to be stopping by every month after that to see her when she was sick. She was sick for a year and a half and he only stopped by her house once and that was at the beginning of this month. I guess he didn’t sit down and pray with her, he stood the entire time.  My Mom even wondered if he turned off his car!  After his visit he said see you next month. Next Month?! Later in the talk that my mom had with the Priest he even admitted she didn’t look good and yet he said see you next month. I don’t know if he was trying to be hopeful, but you could see that she probably wouldn’t last until next month, wouldn’t you stay and spend more time with her?

Before that my Mom had been talking about switching Churches or trying other Churches because she doesn’t get anything out of the sermon. She liked Shane and Chrissy’s Church, she was there for their wedding and they are Lutheran. So she was thinking of trying a Lutheran Church.

So my Nana died on Tuesday morning and we were getting things arranged for her funeral. The funeral home called St. Jude and the Priest was available to do her funeral. We were very surprised. My mom later called to see if he would be available to talk at the Chapel at the cemetery. She called and left a message with the secretary at Church because Father was on the phone. She waited all day and he never called back. She called again at 5 and was able to talk to Father. He said that he wouldn’t be able to speak at the Chapel because he was busy. So she said she wanted this meeting with him.

So at the meeting my mom told the Priest all of the above and said that she was very disappointed and that the Church was not there for us/Nana. He said that the church prides itself on being there for its congregation. She asked him if he truly felt in his heart that he prepared my Nana for death? He said yes. He said that the reason he didn’t stay long with her was because he felt that she was too sick. She asked him why he couldn’t speak at the chapel, he said that he had to prepare for evening mass and had mass early the next morning. (He’s a Priest?! Isn’t that what they are supposed to do?!) I guess after she explained some other things he wanted to speak at the Chapel but she told him no that the Hospice Rev. John would speak at the Chapel and that he would also be there to say some words at the funeral because Nana like him, and he was with her more in her time of need. My mom was very upset about how they treated Nana. The day before Nana died she was calling for Father, and my Mom told him that, and he asked why she didn’t call him, and she told him that she didn’t want to inconvenience him. She had the volunteer Hospice Chaplin come and pray with us over Nana.  I guess she had the Priest squirming and he wanted them to reconsider leaving the church and he was asking if there is anything he can do. My mom told him that she can’t trust him. The Priest told her that it won’t happen for Papa, that what happened with Nana would not happen with Papa. The Priest said that he will call him and check on him and be there for him. The Priest also asked my mom for his forgiveness, which I guess she told him that she did. I think the Priest even got a little teary eyed through all this.

At the funeral when the Priest got there it was kinda awkward. He lead the funeral and the Rev John from Hospice said some words about Nana too, and I guess when he did my Uncle saw the Priest with a Kleenex. My mom is pretty good at the catholic guilt.

Well Nana keeps getting worse and worse. The cancer keeps spreading. Last week she went to the doctor and he felt around her stomach because she complained of stomach pain and her liver is enlarged from the cancer. She is in a lot of pain and I guess is on morphine for it. She has hospice. Which usually when someone has hospice there is nothing left that can be done. People have gotten better and come off of hospice before…but  I don’t think that it is likely that she will be one of those people.  I really just want to cry. I want an eyes reddening, body shaking, gasping for breath cry. But all I can do is a few tears now and then.  I know I’ll cry when she’s gone, I just wish I could get some out now.

I feel so bad for my mom…I guess if I really want to cry I could think about that more. My mother was verbally abused as a child….Nana told her she was fat, had witchy hair, was ugly, made her pay rent and pay for her own college when her brother did not have to pay for either, she cleaned the house, cooked, did laundry, they never trusted her when she went out and would always grill her when she came home, they took pictures of her when she was little crying under the kitchen table and would laugh at her, one time when my mother was out on a date with my Dad Nana took a pitcher and bowl set that my mom had received from one of my Dad’s relatives and hid it saying it was stolen…that someone broke in and stole that specific pitcher and bowl. There are so many things that they have done to her. That mostly Nana has done to her, and Papa just went along because he didn’t want to get yelled at.  When I was little and my brother was born Nana would come over early in the morning every day ( I think it was every day…I think it may have been after my mom had worked midnights, or had been up with steven) and She would visit basically just sit on the couch. Well I was about 5 and I remembered hearing my mom say that she didn’t like it when Nana came over so early in the morning, so I told her. I told Nana that Mom said she didn’t like her coming over so early in the morning because she was trying to sleep or whatever the reason was. Nana left without saying good bye. I remember after she left my mom telling me I should haven’t have said that, and me crying at what I did. Needless to say she stopped coming over in the morning, and I don’t think we saw much of her because of that over the next few years.  I also vaguely remember being about 4 and sitting on Nana’s couch crying because Nana was yelling at my mom calling her a bitch because…I think the reason was she wouldn’t be able to make it over Christmas Eve. I guess every year when I was really little on Christmas Eve evening we would go to my Dad’s parent’s house, then go over to my Mom’s parent’s house then usually my mom would have to go work midnights.  Nana, youngest of four, the only girl, was very self centered. I guess she would even get jealous of my mom for spending time with Papa.

So now after being mean to my mom for most of her life, she is being nice to her. It’s kinda hard for my mom to accept. My Dad thinks it’s only because she needs her so much because she is sick. I would like to think differently. I would like to think that she realized that the things she was doing and saying to my mom were horrible and not the way a mother should act. But who knows what she thinks about it, she could think that she did nothing wrong. My mom still does not see her as a mother, she always called her Mary when she would talk about her, never my mom.  It would be nice if something could be resolved. I always wanted to know why. Why did you treat my mother the way you did, and yet were so nice and generous to my Uncle? How could you say and do those horrible things to your daughter? But I can’t because I know she is suffering, and I don’t know what would happen if I did.  

I know she doesn’t have much time left, I just hope she doesn’t pass when Andy’s out of the country.

I tried writing in livejournal but I just lost all motivation. I wish there was a way I could just plug the computer into my brain and just let my brain run free.  Just let it unload of all it’s contents on to the page.  But if I try and type it just gets muddled between my brain to my fingers  of what words to use and how to spell them and then I lose all interest. It’s easier to not say anything at all then try to think of the right words to use or how to explain it.

With that said I’m going to try and try anyway.  My grandmother that has cancer is done with her chemo and was taking a pill a day that was supposed to stop any of the tumors that she has from growing. But she’s been having strange behavior, confusion and weakness, so my mom mentioned this to the doctors and they did some scans and found 2 new spots in her brain. So she started radiation of her brain this week and my mom just told me that she has fluid in her lungs and is short of breath. She went to the doctor and they just gave her some strong antiboidics and sent her home. My mom thought that they should have done more to remove the fluid from her lungs. I’m so happy that the relationship between my mom and her is better. She better last a few more years, cause I want her to see our kids when we get around to having them.